


The Crows Attempt To Watch Cats

by A_nonnie_mouse



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe, Funny, I Know This Is Really Off Brand For Me, Matthias Helvar Lives, Texting, The One With All The Cat Boobs, We All Need Laughs, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_nonnie_mouse/pseuds/A_nonnie_mouse
Summary: In which Nina has requested a movie night and is making the gang watch Cats. Everyone hates it but Nina.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 13
Kudos: 100





	The Crows Attempt To Watch Cats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InejTheWraith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InejTheWraith/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Six of Crows Text Conversations](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678901) by [InejTheWraith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InejTheWraith/pseuds/InejTheWraith). 



> Many thanks to InejTheWraith for their wholesome, hilarious content during these crazy times! I hope we're keeping you entertained, too! <3

**Jesper:** Inej, I’m too lazy to reach the popcorn. Throw some at my mouth.

 **Inej** Nice catch

 **Jesper:** Thanks

 **Wylan:** Guys, Nina’s not looking at her phone

 **Jesper:** Is she actually into this movie?

 **Wylan:** Does this mean we can be real here about how much this movie sucks?

 **Matthias** : I see what you’re doing and I don’t approve

 **Kaz:** What a surprise

 **Jesper:** He’s just hoping if he pays attention, she’ll make out with him later

 **Wylan:** OoooooOOOOOOooooo

 **Inej:** OoooooOOOOOOoooooo

 **Kaz:** Stop

 **Inej:** Kaz just doesn’t want to miss any of the good parts

 **Kaz:** Dear god no

 **Kaz:** What size are these cats supposed to be anyway?

 **Kaz:** This is hurting my brain

 **Jesper:** Inej. Popcorn me.

 **Inej** : OMG KAZ I’M SO SORRY

 **Kaz:** Ow

 **Wylan:** Jesper stop laughing

 **Kaz:** Brb

 **Inej:** Where are you going?

 **Kaz:** To rinse the popcorn out of my eye

 **Inej:** I’M REALLY SORRY

 **Jesper:** TAKE US WITH YOU

 **Wylan:** You guys, Nina’s gonna notice

 **Wylan:** That was a close one

 **Inej:** Maybe Matthias likes this so much because he’s imagining wolves instead of cats

 **Matthias:** This would still be disturbing with wolves.

 **Jesper:** So it IS because you want to make out with Nina!

 **Wylan:** OoooooOOOOOOOoooooo

 **Inej:** OooooooOOOOOOoooooo

 **Matthias:** You are children.

 **Kaz:** OoooooOOOOOooooo

 **Inej:** ahahahaha omg

 **Matthias:** Horrible, horrible children

 **Inej:** Kaz, where are you? What’s taking you so long?

 **Kaz:** Just so much popcorn in my eye. So much. Real emergency in here.

 **Inej:** omg liar

 **Jesper:** We’re onto you, Brekker. Come out of the bathroom.

 **Kaz:** Make me

 **Jesper:** INEJ DO SOMETHING

 **Inej:** Mwuahaha

 **Kaz:** I’m not afraid of you.

 **Kaz:** I am, however, afraid of the cat boobs

 **Kaz:** So

 **Jesper:** Dude, we’re all afraid of the cat boobs

 **Wylan:** You are not alone.

 **Wylan:** We’re here for you.

 **Jesper:** Except for Nina. She doesn’t care about you at all.

 **Wylan:** Inej, stop laughing

 **Wylan:** Seriously, Nina’s going to notice.

 **Wylan:** Huh

 **Wylan:** She didn’t notice

 **Kaz:** I’m telling you, it’s the cat boobs

 **Kaz:** This is an evil, evil movie

 **Kaz:** If this movie were a person, I’d be cutting its eye out

 **Jesper:** I kind of want you to cut my eyes out right about now.

 **Kaz:** Omg I thought you’d never ask

 **Inej:** Kaaaaz come out of the bathroom. I’ll protect you!

 **Jesper:** WHAT ABOUT ME

 **Wylan:** WHAT ABOUT ME

 **Matthias:** WHAT ABOUT ME

 **Kaz:** …..

 **Matthias:** Nina doesn’t need to know

 **Inej:** I won’t let the scary cat boobs get any of you.

 **Inej:** Big babies

 **Kaz:** I’m coming out of the bathroom, but only to cut out Jesper’s eyes

 **Jesper:** HOORAY!

 **Jesper:** You’re not cutting out my eyes. I was promised blindness.

 **Wylan:** I’m starting to think he came out of the bathroom just to be with Inej

 **Kaz:** Lies

 **Jesper:** HE HAS HIS ARM AROUND HER HE HAS HIS ARM AROUND HER

 **Jesper:** NINA NINA NINA

 **Wylan:** IT’S THE CAT BOOBS

 **Wylan:** IT’S THE MAGIC OF THE CAT BOOBS

 **Kaz:** Where’s my knife. I’m cutting off their fingers.

 **Inej:** Can you do that later? Cuz now I’m comfy

 **Jesper:** asdf;lkjaweioasji

 **Wylan:** You broke Jesper

 **Jesper:** I CAN’T BELIEVE NINA IS MISSING THIS

 **Jesper** : BECAUSE OF CAT BOOBS

 **Matthias:** Can everyone please stop talking about cat boobs?

 **Jesper:** CAT BOOBS

 **Inej:** CAT BOOBS

 **Wylan:** CAT BOOBS

 **Kaz:** CAT BOOBS

 **Matthias:** I hate all of you

 **Kaz:** I have no sympathy

 **Kaz:** You are the one with the power to stop this madness

 **Kaz:** She’ll listen to you

 **Jesper:** PLEASE, MATTHIAS

 **Wylan:** HELP US

 **Matthias:** What do I get if I do?

 **Kaz:** …..

 **Kaz:** The student surpasses the master

 **Inej:** Looooool

 **Matthias:** I’m waiting

 **Jesper:** I’LL DO YOUR LAUNDRY

 **Wylan:** I’LL MAKE YOUR PROTEIN SHAKES FOR A MONTH

 **Kaz:** How much money do you want

 **Inej:** I’m just gonna let this one play out

 **Matthias:** Yeah none of this sounds as good as making out with Nina

 **Inej:** Called it

 **Jesper:** NOOOOOOOOO

 **Wylan:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Kaz:** I’m going back to the bathroom

 **Inej:** No you’re not

 **Kaz:** Ughhh

 **Kaz:** You’re lucky you’re cute

 **Inej:** 😊

 **Kaz:** OH GOD WHY

 **Inej:** THAT HUMAN CAT IS EATING HUMAN COCHROACHES

 **Inej:** OMG

 **Inej:** OMGGGGG

 **Jesper:** WHYYYYYYY

 **Inej:** KAZ DO SOMETHING

 **Wylan:** HELP US

 **Jesper:** SAVE US

 **Kaz:** WHO’S GOING TO SAVE ME

 **Jesper:** WHY IS THIS MAKING ME HUNGRY

 **Wylan:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????

 **Inej:** KAZ

 **Inej:** Stop throwing popcorn at Jesper

 **Wylan:** NINA IS GOING TO NOTICE

 **Nina:** YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE

 **Wylan:** Told you

 **Nina:** Kaz, clean up your mess!

 **Kaz:** Inej started it

 **Inej:** Wtf

 **Kaz:** She tried to blind me with popcorn

 **Inej:** I SAID SORRY

 **Matthias:** Their flirting is stupid

 **Kaz:** Your face is stupid

 **Nina:** This was supposed to be a phone-free night!!!

 **Nina:** For friends and friendship

 **Jesper:** AND CAT BOOBS

 **Matthias:** STOP

 **Kaz:** It’s obvious Nina just wanted to torture us

 **Wylan:** She’s a cat-boob-loving sadist!

 **Matthias:** Watch it, Sunshine

 **Inej:** awwwww

 **Jesper:** Seriously, Nina, this movie is the woorrrrrrst

 **Kaz:** Matthias is a cat boob

 **Nina:** KAZ CALLED INEJ CUTE

 **Jesper:** Yeah you missed a lot

 **Kaz:** I blame Cats. I was under duress. This movie should be considered a war crime.

 **Inej:** Great. Thanks.

 **Kaz:** Wait no come back

 **Matthias:** I tried to make them stop, Nina.

 **Nina:** I see that. Thanks, Matty.

 **Wylan:** OoooooOOOOOOOoooooo

 **Jesper:** OMG THEY’RE KISSING

 **Kaz:** Nope

 **Kaz:** Nope

 **Kaz:** Nope

 **Kaz:** I’m out

 **Kaz:** I did not sign up for this

 **Inej:** I’m coming with you

 **Kaz:** :)

 **Jesper:** I’ll drive

 **Wylan:** Wait for me

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge), Inej (ItsyBitsySpider), Jesper (KazSucks), and Wylan (VanSunshine) have quit the chat_

**Nina:** And now we have the house to ourselves!

 **Matthias:** You twisted, evil genius

 **Nina:** Get over here, you sexy beast

 **Matthias:** Wait

 **Matthias:** Kaz called me a cat boob

 **Matthias:** I’m just now seeing this

 **Matthias:** Dammit.

 **Nina:** Oh, boy. Technology is hard, isn’t it, love?

 **Matthias:** Everybody types so fast

 **Nina:** Let it go, babe. Put the phone down. You can do it.

_Nina (Waffles4ever) and Matthias (WolfBoy13) have left the chat_


End file.
